At what point? 💔

At what point
I just came back from Angell.

Went to see my Jeremy.  He is sick, my poor baby, quite sick.  

We saw the neurologist the second time yesterday, he was optimistic the first time, not yesterday.. told me what he thought Jeremy has.  I had to make a decision, do we continue testing and try to find out what is wrong with him or do I just take him home.  I am not ready to give up on my baby, there is still a chance we can treat him.

The MRI today showed that he most likely has a tumor, we have to wait on the results of the spinal fluid test.  Dr. Daniel, the amazing and caring neurologist, discussed with me what we should do while waiting for the results , with the holiday etc, we will not likely get the results until Sunday.  The best outcome right now is lymphoma, as chemo will most likely work.  I don't even want to think or talk about the alternative outcome.  Let's not even go there right now.

I decided to leave him at the hospital tonight so he can get his IV drip and steroids.  Hopefully he will start to eat tomorrow and I can bring him home.

My Jeremy, is turning 14 next month, he still meows like a kitten, loving and sweet, purrs so loud that my boyfriend complains that he wakes him up, so active that he is always running around.  So loving that he always wants to lie on my back in bed, and wants to be as close to my face as possible, staring into my eyes with the most loving look.  He never acted like he was old, until this past few days.  He only weighs 7 lbs, cannot even walk.  His purr and meow is weak.  It is so hard to see him like this.  I told him he is going to be ok, he looked concerned when he saw me cry.  I told him I was only crying because I miss him.  He will be ok.  He will be home soon.

At the waiting room, I was talking to a woman who just found out her 15 year old dog might have a brain tumor.

At what point do you let them go?  I am not ready, I don't think he is ready either.  I was told with chemo, he can have a good quality life and could live for another year.  And they don't get the side effects like humans do.

At what point will I let him go, I don't know.  I just want him to come home so I can have him sleep with me on my bed again.

At what point?  At what point?  At what point?

updated: 6 years ago